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**This article was written by an SFC Guest Contributor  Bismillah al-Rahman al-Raheem
In my past two articles, I wrote about gossip, why it is such a bad habit, and some things that we,as Muslimahs, can do to begin to leave the habit behind. In this article, I will be addressing a positive personality trait that I believe, if adopted, will assist in getting away from gossiping. Sincerity It is reported that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Religion is sincerity, religion is sincerity (Al-Nasihah), religion is sincerity." They said; "To whom, O Messenger of Allah?" He said: "To Allah, to His Book, to His Messenger, to the imams of the Muslims and to their common folk." Narrated in Sunan Nasa'i In this hadith, five categories that we should display sincerity to are mentioned. While I will touch on each category, I will mainly be addressing being sincere to “common folk”. Who exactly is considered “common folk”? You and I. Those of us within the ummah that don’t occupy a role of power or influence. Sincerity to Allah عز وجل is the first type of sincerity mentioned in this hadith, and if we can truly cultivate sincerity with Him, then all the rest should come naturally. It may be hard to understand how we can be sincere with Allah عز وجل and His book, the Qur'an, but we can visualize it better with the use of an analogy: We sometimes tend to treat our relationship with Allah عز وجل and the Qur'an the same way we treat a relationship with a person we don't really like. We rarely speak to them, , we avoid picking up the phone phone when they call. The instant we find ourselves in need of something that they can help us with though, all of the sudden, we call them all the time and are very nice to them. We treat our deen this way as well; we feel lazy to come to salah when we hear the adhaan, we don't make time to read Qur'an during the day or even during the week, but all of a sudden when we are struck with difficult times in our lives our hands are always up in dua and the Qur'an is always open on our desks. If we had a sincere relationship with Allahعز وجل , we would see Him in all of our blessings and thank Him profusely in the good times, and also rely on Him and His book when we find ourselves in trials. One simple way we can begin to cultivate more sincerity in this relationship is to begin being very open and honest in our dua. Often we try to “hide” from Allahعز وجل , though He knows what is deep in our hearts anyhow, we do not fully say what we need to say when we make dua. We recite dua from memory, but it lacks any substance. To truly begin cultivating sincerity with Allah عز وجل we need to come before Him and recognize our weakness and ask for His help. The third type of sincerity mentioned here is to the Prophetصلى الله عليه وسلم . This can only be achieved through learning as much as we can about him; seerah, hadith, and his sunnah are all such important areas of study for each and every Muslim. Through studying each of these things we grow not only our knowledge of the Prophetصلى الله عليه وسلم , but our love for him as well. As we begin to cultivate that love for him, we can begin to showcase our sincerity by living the way that he taught us to live. This is, in a small way, one of the things I hope to achieve by my writing here for the Ideal Muslimah section in shaa Allah.
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**This article was written by an SFC Guest Contributor  Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahmeen Part 1 of "Avoiding Gossip" discussed what gossip actually is and why it is so important to stop it. In this post, I wanted to outline a few small steps that we can take to begin making a change in our own behaviors and, in shaa Allah, start on the journey to losing the habit of backbiting for good. Make a sincere intention, and start with du'a. As with anything in our deen, it all starts with our intention. If you have decided to make a change in your life and you are trying to break the habit of gossiping, your intention should be first and foremost to seek the pleasure of Allah عز وجل, and to quit doing something that you know displeases Him. Keep checking your intentions throughout your journey, not only to check in with yourself but also to remind yourself of the reason you are trying to make this change in the first place. No matter how long it takes you, if your intention is sincere then in shaa Allah He will grant you His aid, and you will be successful! It is also important to begin with making du'a to Allah عز وجل for His help in the matter. Ask for His aid to help you strengthen your iman and ask Him to keep you away from this sin. Ask Him to lead you towards all that is good and steer you away from all that is bad. Always keep making du'a, even when you think you have accomplished the goal. It is so easy for us as humans to slip back into habits we thought we had kicked, which is why it is so important to always keep Allah عز وجل on your mind and in your heart. Work on your own nafs. While it is tempting to blame our faults on others or on our upbringing and culture or on our life circumstances, in order to truly fix the issue we need to realize and admit that we ourselves are weak. We are only human, and though we know the truth, we often forget. We need reminding over and over again, and it takes numerous tries and fails to keep ourselves steady on the straight path. The first and best thing we can do in order to break the habit of gossip is to begin with subduing our own nafs. Regular fasting is a good place to start, and reading up on all of the adadith and ayat surrounding the sin we are trying to leave. Once the knowledge and understanding really penetrates our hearts, it will become that much easier to begin practicing on it, even in difficult situations, in shaa Allah. Avoid gatherings where you know there is gossip. While you are working on your own nafs and trying to gain knowledge and understanding, try as best as you can to even avoid being in a situation that could possibly lead to gossip. Don't go to gatherings where you know regular gossip occurs, don't stop to chat with people that you know you fall into gossip with. This can be especially difficult if it is family functions that you are declining to attend, or if you need to stop calling up that one friend for your weekly catch-up, but try to make the most polite excuses that you can without outright lying. Often people will be understanding, and if people are not, Allah عز وجل is the One who sees your pure intentions. If you can't avoid certain gatherings or people out of necessity and you find yourself in a situation where gossip does come up, the first thing you can do is not contribute. Don't answer questions or add your own stories, sit silently but kindly so that the others in the gathering understand that you do not want to participate in this kind of talk. Even listening to gossip is a sin, but staying silent with the intention of at least not contributing is a step in the right direction in shaa Allah. Defend your sisters in Islam. If you do find yourself in a situation where the people around you are engaging in gossip, and you know that you have a good relationship with the people present, then the best course of action would be to stick up for your brother or sister that they are talking about. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:
You do not have to make any elaborate excuses for the person being talked about, in fact, the simpler the better. It is often enough just to say, “I have never seen anything but good from such-and-such,” in order to defend the person and close the conversation down.
Change the subject. Oftentimes, we may find ourselves in situations where we are in a gathering of sisters that we don't know very well, and as such, we may not be able to directly address the gossip without sounding rude, harsh, or critical. In this case, the best course of action is to try to change the conversation to something else. Ideally, this should be something beneficial, but if that is not possible then any mundane thing will do. You could change the subject by something like telling the group about a new du'a you are memorizing, and asking them what they are working on, you could tell a funny anecdote about the things your pet does, you could even just comment on the beauty of your surroundings or the weather and how amazing Allah's creation is. There are plenty of creative ways that you could steer a conversation back into gossip-free waters without awkwardness. Bismillah al-Rahman al-Raheem Gossip and backbiting are a couple of those issues that no matter how much they seem to be brought up in khutbahs, lectures, and halaqas, they continue to be prevalent in our societies. If we take a look into our social gatherings and interactions, especially as women,we’d notice that talking about people who are not present is at the core of many of the discussions we have. We all know that gossip is bad and that it is forbidden in Islam, so today I would like to focus on how we can begin to break the habit for ourselves instead of focusing on the many ahadith and ayat from the Qur’an that talk about the punishments awaiting the backbiters in this world and the next. The first step to breaking this bad habit is to understand what backbiting actually is in the deen of Islam. We tend to think of it only as malicious talk about someone behind their back, especially if this talk is untrue, but the scope is actually far wider than that. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم defines backbiting in the following hadith:
In discussing this hadith, a teacher of mine recently mentioned that it does not say that backbiting is saying something bad about someone, rather it is talking about someone in a way that she would dislike when she is not present. This can include any range of things from insults, sharing her personal secrets, or even sharing good things about her that you know she would prefer not to have shared with others.
There are many examples of this. Casually making mention about another sister's bad habit that you saw and telling a sister's secrets with the universal preface of, “don't tell anyone, but...” are common instances of gossip. Given the the above definition though, it could also mean something like sharing the news of a sister's pregnancy at a gathering where she is not present. While it is technically good news, and a happy thing you are sharing, if you know that she did not want the news out yet then it will still count under the Prophet's صلى الله عليه وسلم definition of backbiting. Seeing exactly how broad the definition of backbiting is, it is all the more imperative for us to learn to steer our conversations clear of any talk of other people, whether good or bad. There are many descriptions of what will happen to those who backbite in the akhirah, of the gruesome punishments and one narration that even mentions that a backbiter will not enter paradise. The following hadith, however, really puts it into a perspective that we can understand as 21st century Muslimahs: 11/16/2017 Adab of an ideal muslimah: respect*This article is written by an SFC Guest Contributor *  Bismillah al-Rahman al-Raheem Salah, fasting, paying zakat, dressing modestly and observing proper gender relations—these are all things that come into our minds when we think of our Islamic duties and obligations. We tend to think primarily of the “rules” or the more ritual aspects of our worship, but today I want to begin my writing for the Ideal Muslimah section here at Striving for Clarity with a series on a characteristic that is just as important for our faith as those mentioned above : sound Islamic manners.  The above hadith is just one of many that emphasizes the importance of manners and etiquette in the deen of Islam. One of the things that attracted to me to Islam in the very beginning of my journey was the fact that Islam is such a “social” religion, in that in the Muslim community, how we treat one another is of the utmost importance. Another hadith even equates being a perfect believer with having good manners:
The aim of this new mini series is to go through some of the important aspects of proper manners and etiquette that an ideal Muslimah should strive to cultivate. For this first post, I will provide a general overview and in shaa Allah, delve more in-depth in future posts. I will get into detail on some of the various traits and aspects of good manners that are mentioned in the Qur'an and sunnah. Today I would like to touch on the underlying theme of respect. In my opinion, respect is the origin of all good manners. When we see the word respect, it is probably very easy to call to mind a couple of people that we feel respect for in our lives. For me, when I hear respect, my mother's face immediately appears, as well as my husband's and my grandfather's. If I widen that scope a little bit I can think of various scholars and speakers whose work I respect, and of course when I think of respect I would be remiss if I left out our beloved Prophet (ﷺ) and the whole generation of righteous Muslims at that time. While this is a good start, as a community and as individuals, we need to dig deeper. It is easy to respect the people that we love or public figures whose private lives we may never see. But what about the rest of the world? If we look within our hearts, how much can we truly say we respect those who differ in opinions from us? Those we see in less fortunate circumstances than us? How much do we respect Allah's عز وجل weaker creations? Allah عز وجل says in the Qur'an
10/20/2017 Reflections on the Ideal Muslimah*This article is written by an SFC Guest Contributor *  Bismillah al-Rahman al-Raheem Assalaamu alaikum, and thank you for stopping by to read my very first article here on Striving for Clarity! I am so excited to be able to contribute to the “Ideal Muslimah” section of this website, alhamdulillah, and today I want to start by writing a short article to share just a couple of my reflections on the idea of the “ideal Muslimah.” Often when we hear the word “ideal”, we thinks of things like our ideal day, ideal job, ideal life, ideal husband etc. These all tend to be things that we either want really bad and don't have, or that we think we “should” have. The word ideal often carries connotations of perfection, of finally having arrived at a long-awaited destination. “Ideal” can often feel like something that is just a dream, a wish, something abstract and unlikely to happen in our real world. I remember one of the books I read within the first year after converting to Islam was The Ideal Muslimah. I loved the book, primarily because there is a lot of valuable information in there.However, the very first time I read it, as a budding new Muslimah only six or seven months into her journey with Islam, it left me feeling a bit overwhelmed. I was sure I could never possibly be a very good Muslimah, let alone an ideal one. It has been three long years since I first read it , and I recently reread the book. It was the exact same copy that I read all those years ago, but with this reading, I took a completely different message from it. This time it left me with a sense of motivation instead of despair. The change was not in the content of the book itself, but it was a change in my own mindset that caused me to take such a different lesson from the book than I had before. I have learned in these three years that on our journey to become the “ideal” Muslimah, ideal doesn't necessarily mean what it sounds like it does in normal usage. On this journey, ideal isn't the end of the journey, it is a constantly changing path. As the name of this site suggests, an ideal Muslimah is actually a striving Muslimah. It is one who recognizes her weaknesses and is seeking to improve them. It is one who desires those good qualities in herself and seeks to practice them. It is one who is working to the absolute best of her capabilities to be the best kind of woman she can be, based on what Islam has outlined for her. An ideal Muslimah is a Muslimah who makes mistakes, and learns how to be better from them. What I want you to keep in mind when reading any of my articles in this section is that no one in this life will ever be perfect. I myself am far, far from it, but every day is an opportunity for us to wake up and be better than we were the day before. We have so many amazing Muslim women as role models both from the time of the Companions رضي الله عنهم(May Allah be pleased with him) and throughout our rich history, and they give us extraordinary, yet human, examples to strive towards. If you are reading my posts and looking to implement changes in your life, I want you to know that change does not have to be a huge grand gesture. Instead, it can be the most minute thing that shifts, as long as you work at it persistently each day. The Prophet said: “Take on only as much as you can do of good deeds, for the best of deeds is that which is done consistently, even if it is little” I have so many ideas for things I would like to share here, and I am so grateful to be able to be on this journey with you, my sisters in Islam. Wishing you all the best, until next time, in shaa Allah! AuthorAshley Bounoura is a writer, revert, tea-drinker, and cat-lover. She is the founder of the blog Muslimah According to Me, where she shares inspiration and encouragement for Muslim women on their individual spiritual journeys. Ashley also has a collaboration on a forthcoming book, the Qur’an Journal, which will be available mid-November, This "Micro-Series" is written by an SFC Guest Contributor, Khi'dah Nayar  The first definition for Hijab is a literal translation-“something that covers and conceals completely.” or “To hide oneself from view” - the fabric must be thick enough so as not to show the color of the skin or shape of the body. The second definition is based on Islamic jurisprudence (the science or philosophy of law), an interpretation translated from Sharia; “To cover, conceal or hide oneself from view of those with whom marriage is or may be permissible.” All schools of Islamic jurisprudence agree: “veiling the face is part of hijab.” Other references to hijab: Hijab bi al-buyut – observing hijab by staying in the home. Abaya – a loose robe worn by Muslim women that covers the entire body from head to toe. Jilbab - an outer sheet which hides the body completely, a Muslim woman wraps it around herself on top of other garments to cover her body. Satr - a portion of the body (private parts) which the Shari’a requires to be covered and which may not be exposed to others (to uncover satr for medical treatment, certain restrictions apply). Nafs - The (lower) self that is the source of base (immoral) desires. The rule of modesty applies to both men and women. “O mankind! Fear your Guardian Lord, who created you from a single Person, created,out of it, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women; Fear Allah, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights) and be heedful of the wombs (that bore you): for Allah ever watches over you.” Qur'an 4: 1;34 Hijab is protection for women against pornography, rape and sexual molestation (in some countries). It serves as a barrier to restrict ill-natured men from aggressive sexual behavior. It is the religious duty of men to practice modesty, morality and to respect a woman’s privacy. It is the religious duty of women to demonstrate dignity, observe practices of morality and dress modestly. Modest behavior means avoiding public displays of sexual attractiveness to draw attention from the opposite sex. Women do this by being flirtatious, wearing transparent garments or clothing that displays a woman’s shape, including wearing short sleeves, low cut (short) dresses (exposing the bosom & legs), being undressed (i.e., in underwear, bathing suits) and naked.
Stay tuned for the next part of this Micro-Series. 5/27/2016 Hijab is Iman: A Micro SeiresThis "Micro-Series" is written by an SFC Guest Contributor, Khi'dah Nayar  Al-Hayaa + Hijab = Iman Al-Haya is an expression of shyness, a natural and conscious inclination to practice restraint before Allah(SWT). It causes us to feel a sense of guilt or shame before committing a sin. An example of shyness is not initiating conversations, participating in vain talk, touching or shaking hands, or allowing ourselves to be touched by men, even though they may be acquaintances, neighbors or distant male relatives. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss." Qur'an 24:31  When we become parents, our obligation as Muslims is to nurture the minds and souls of our children. With the help and mercy of Allah (SWT), we are entrusted with their care. We must prepare them for school by teaching them how to socialize with others. Throughout their lives we teach them appropriate manners, morals and etiquette as practiced in Islam. We cover their heads, dress them modestly and give them the benefit of understanding the importance of al-haya (shyness) and the virtue of hijab. And most importantly we teach them the reason why . . .”Because we are Muslim.” To Understand Why Muslim Women Cover (or Veil), we must study the Holy Qur’an. Allah(SWT) commanded Muslim women to cover (head to toe) so that people are able to distinguish them as upright citizens from pious and respectable families. No one will stand in their way, follow them or make sexual advances toward them, due to their higher social status. The heart of a Muslim woman cannot be corrupt. Islam restored full rights of women to lead noble and productive lives in a civilized and ethical system Stay tuned for the next part of this Micro-Series.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful  Surah Al-Muzzammil “Truly the rising by night is most potent for governing (the soul) and most suitable for (framing) the word (of prayer and praise).” When reading this surah I was reminded of the significance of “prayer and the practice of humility” in our spiritual life and the fate of those who reject faith and revelation. I noticed Muslim women avoided visiting each other especially before the time of prayer? Maybe some were to busy with children but others felt the same way I used to feel. I was a little nervous and shy about leading the prayer in my home. Usually, my thoughts did not focus on demonstrating my best efforts or learning from guests in my home. I was self-conscious and lacked confidence in my recitation, my Arabic was poor, my knowledge of Islam was limited and I was concerned about the size and comfort of our prayer space. Yes it was my foolish pride. I also remembered being told that sometimes husbands or brothers would recite only the shortest surahs in the Qur’an, as fast as they could. Do you think they rushed to complete the prayer because they were busy with other things or had it become a boring ritual? Also, some Sisters said they preferred not praying at a particular mosque or with a particular Imam. Other Sisters chose not to pray at any mosque. I believed these were cultural issues. “May Allah forgive us.” When is the best time to study the Holy Qur’an with children? They are called “teachable moments.” I understand how hard it is to make time to worship Allah as a family. Especially these days, our lives are filled with so many family or individual social activities. When we were new parents, my husband and I never talked about how to raise Muslim children. Some of our Muslim Brothers told us they planned to marry a woman who had memorized Al Qur’an. This was their plan for teaching Islam to their children. Other parents decided to rely on private tutors and weekend schools at the mosque. We decided to enroll our youngest child in a full-time Islamic school. Her recitation became much better than mine and she actually taught me. I also researched games, puzzles, books and toys to help us study? Some of the other questions included learning and teaching our young appropriate methods for responding to questions and comments from friends and neighbors and also how to talk to others about Islam? Before your child asks the question, be prepared with the answer, or search together. This article is part of the "Micro-Series", The Virtue of a Muslim Woman. Stay tuned for the next part of this Micro-Series.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful  Prayer is the second Pillar of Islam. It is an expression of a Muslim’s dedication and devotion and the only path to Jannah (Paradise). I began to pay closer attention to what was going on in my household and then I started talking with other Muslims about the practices of prayer at home. When women started talking to each other about some of their difficulties when learning to live as Muslims or with Muslims, the subject of understanding the prayer schedule and learning how to organize family time is usually discussed. I have learned that we need explanations about how prayer times are calculated and adjusted for time changes around the world and in the spring and fall seasons for “U.S. daylight savings time.” We also had a need to become more familiar with lunar calendars, moon cycles and the significance of the new moon in relation to beginning the (9th) lunar month of Ramadan, EID prayers and the Hajj season. From my past experiences, I thought it would helpful to share my thoughts (previous errors and mistakes) about what “really” happens when Muslim women, single or married (with or without children) pray at home before learning to lead each other at the time of prayer. I wrote a short list of some of my experiences and added a few comments shared with me by American Muslims. Some of these women I met when my children were younger. Prayer time at my home. Previously, I had printed copies of the prayer schedule (from my computer) on bright colored sheets of paper posted around the house. I hung up lunar calendars printed by the mosque with the prayer schedules on it. We received an adhan clock as an EID gift. Now we each have apps on our mobile phones. They are not always synchronized, so before we pray, the adhan is echoing throughout the house. Muslims in America do not have the benefit of living near a mosque where we can hear the adhan on loudspeakers. Some local laws forbid it. Here is a sampling of my other observations.
Well, as for the rest of us? Some of us are eating, talking or texting, sleeping or just being lazy. Some of us watch television or do absolutely nothing outside the house except feel annoyed about “the prayer police” . . . better known as our own conscience. I think, subconsciously, we wait until prayer time has passed, then we tell ourselves that we will make-up the missed prayers, because we have no other excuse. Then there were discussions about whether or not women should pray in the car or pull over and get out of the car. Also deciding to wait and pray at home or go to the mosque. Sisters asked advice about fasting and prayer during pregnancy or when in poor health. Then I asked, what about women who are hearing impaired deaf or visually impaired or blind? Do you want to know how we resolved these issues? This article is part of the "Micro-Series", The Virtue of a Muslim Woman.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful  The first time I heard the Adthan(call to prayer), I stopped to listen to one of the most beautiful voices I had ever heard. At that moment, I realized that I had passed this mosque every day on my way home from work. But on this day, after working only half of the day, I planned to sit in the park by the river, time to reflect. I later learned this day was called Jumu’ah, the Day of Assembly for Muslims. I remember the time was 1:00 pm. A young woman invited me to come inside. She motioned for me to remove my shoes as she handed me a lovely scarf and garment to cover my head and body. Then she directed me toward the mosque library. “Stay as long as you like Sister, there are books you may take with you.” I sat for over an hour reading and listening to the khutbah (sermon). The topic of this sermon was prayer. Since my parents (now deceased) were Christians the practice of prayer was performed mostly at church, at the dining table and at funerals. Verses from the Bible were usually read by adults. I didn’t know about any other form of prayer. A Muslim woman’s day begins before dawn, she completes ghusl or wudu (ablution) with calmness of mind and a grateful heart. She expresses her gratitude by reciting, “Bismillaah, Subhanah Allah, Alhamdulilaah, Allahu Akbar” as she opens her eyes to see another sunrise, for having good health and standing for fajr salah. She offers two voluntary rakats before reciting the divine ayats (verses) of praise and worship for Al-Mulk (The Sovereign Lord). A Muslim woman makes her intention to submit her will and humble herself before Allah (subhana wata’Allah) and repeats, “I seek refuge from satan, the rejected enemy” before each surah. Prayer, being the 2nd pillar of Islam is very important to Muslims. It is an expression of a Muslim’s dedication and devotion and the only path to Jannah (Paradise). By preserving the Holy Qur’an, through memorizing and reciting, a Muslim woman purges bad deeds from her life and begins to taste the sweetness of faith. Muslim women are the cement in the foundation of society, community and family. |
IntroductionThe "Ideal Muslimah" section of Striving For Clarity provides an array of articles, micro-series and short tidbits geared towards highlighting the important characteristics of a Muslim woman. Archives
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