"And marry women except those your right hands possess. the decree of Allah upon you. And lawful to you are [all others] beyond these, that you seek them [in marriage] with your property, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse. So for whatever you enjoy [of marriage] from them, give them their due compensation as an obligation. And there is no blame upon you for what you mutually agree to beyond the obligation. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Wise." Qur'an- 4:24
A common range of thinking among young unmarried Muslim women who are interested in getting married consist of "how will I meet my husband?"," what shall I tell my parents?", "what about if they don't find anyone?", "what about if they won't accept my classmate as my husband?", or what if they won't accept a Muslim man?(An issue many reverts deal with). Often we experience a rashness when it comes to finding a husband and the longer it takes, the more worse we feel. It is important though to remember that choosing a spouse is a monumental decision that that should not be made hastily due to the immense impact that it has on ones life
Allah(SWT) tells us:
"Seek Allah's help with patient perseverance and prayer. It is indeed hard except for those who are humble." Qur'an-2:45
Yes, Allah(SWT) reminds us to be patient. At times being told to be patient can be very hard to hear but remember that Allah(SWT) knows best, and Allah(SWT) will send you the right one at the right moment.
When I was searching for a spouse, I used to cry a lot when others told me "don't worry he will come in the right moment!" because I was in such a hurry to get married. It was so complicated living in this dunya. Remember though sisters, if you do not take the time and do your due diligence when it comes to choosing your spouse, the end result might not be great. Remember that this person will be the head of your household, he will be your wali and he will be an example for your children. These reasons showcase the importance of carefully choosing. When trying to find a spouse, it is necessary to remember to trust in Allah. Yes it might be difficult, but it is the best way to proceed. When the process gets difficult, do not become overtly upset and do not lose faith, but remember that Allah(SWT) has someone waiting for you, someone that will be a great match, someone who is meant to be your husband. After realizing the importance of patience and deciding how you will proceed, the next concern for some women is what to tell their parents about their interest in someone.
The first thing to do is relax and talk to your mother or father, whichever one you feel the most comfortable with. It might be better though to talk to your mother simply because she might understand more since she is woman of course and will have knowledge on the topic. Tell her you want to talk to her about something important but in private, at that moment she will start to suspect or at least she will know it is something you need her advice on. When the moment comes tell her and don't be nervous. Talk to her about how you feel at this moment and why you would like a husband or if you have already found a brother that you are interested in, talk to her about him, how did you meet and why you like him. As your father is your wali, be sure to talk to him as well about the brother and arrange for them to meet. inshaAllah, all will go well.
For further information on dealing with parents and marriage, take the time to read "Marriage Series Pt.2: The Role of Parents in The Courtship Process" by JMuslimah
After several years of engaging in honest in-depth conversations, college friends JMuslimah and Halimah decided to begin a Muslimah journey site together. Insha'Allah, we can all benefit, learn, and grow from this venture.