SHOW ME MORE: MARIAM'S STORY PT. 2

After years of carrying the burden of knowing but not practicing, Alhamdulillah, Allah(SWT) finally made me come to a point where I could no longer resist wearing a niqab. All of the excuses that I previously had began to fade away, such as: how would I be able to breathe with a cloth hanging over my face, how would my family react, especially my father, how would I handle situations where I had to show my face for identification purposes? Questions like these were constantly pouring into my head. I realized that I had to be 200% sure about wearing the niqab because this important decision had to be the same as covering my hair: Once and forever!

I realized that despite all the doubts that a person has, when you are sincere and you want for yourself what your Creator wants from you, eventually all these doubts begin to vanish because truly, Allah(SWT) knows what's best for us. After all, He did make us. He sent to us our manual for life, The Holy Qur’an. We’ve all read the verses in regards to the rules of covering and subahnaAllah, they are so clear. Even though people try and interpret the rulings on covering the face differently, we all know that all scholars have agreed that it is necessary in times of fitnah.

In my opinion, fitnah is everywhere. With modern technology and the usage of television and the internet, it’s becoming harder to avoid fitnah. Even without the presence of TV and the internet, most men refuse to lower their gaze and while we cannot control the actions of men, we can control what we allow them to gaze at. As women, we all know that our immediate external beauty lies in our face. As a woman who spent about 18 years with only covering my hair, I know what it is like to be in the market, on the street, coming in contact with the opposite gender! There's always this feeling of being stared at just because you wear a headscarf. You become more interesting for men. Even if they ignore you, or at least you think so,you can't stop the feeling of knowing that you’re continuously being watched! It's a kind of slavery in my opinion. Wearing the niqab though, releases you of those kind of chains, because you know they cannot judge you anymore because your beauty is hidden!

With Allah's guidance, my desire to observe the niqab increased. I began to watch all kinds of videos concerning the niqab, experiences of sisters, debates and so on. The more I read about it, the more I came closer to wearing it. My desire for niqab rose up from where I buried it in my heart.

During these last three months of wearing the niqab, I noticed that I became more careful about where I look. You do not want men to think that even if they cannot see you, you are looking at them!Lowering your gaze becomes more important in your life.. Which I hope will get us closer to Allah(SWT) and essentially, that’s what really matters. Allah’s(SWT) pleasure!

From this moment on, until the moment when my soul is taken from me, I will, inshaAllah, continue to wear the niqab. Ya Allah! Give me strength and wisdom on Your path. Ameen.

I want for all my sisters in Islam, what I want for myself. I really hope that those who are aware of the importance of niqab will not wait as long as I did to begin wearing it. 
May Allah(SWT) guide us all and never let us go astray.

WE need HIM, and to Him only on our own is our return.

JazaakAllahumul khayr and Wa's salaamu alaikum!

What are your thoughts on Mariam's journey? Have you ever considered wearing the niqab? For our non-Muslim readers, what is your opinion on the niqab?

This is a continuation of the article "Show Me More: Mariam's Story", an account of Mariam's journey to wearing the niqab. Striving For Clarity will be sharing personal experiences from readers regarding issues that are addressed on the site. If interested in sharing you story about reversion, hijab, marriage, courtship, or submission, email us at [email protected] "