SHOW ME MORE: MARIAM'S STORY

This is an account of Mariam's journey to wearing the niqab. Striving For Clarity will be sharing personal experiences from readers regarding issues that are addressed on the site. If interested in sharing you story about reversion, hijab, marriage, courtship, or submission, email us at [email protected] "

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Assalaamu alaikum! I would like to share with you my story about my long journey to finally wearing the niqab.. 

I was born and raised in the Netherlands and began covering my hair on the first day of Ramadan of 1996.... 
After my grandpa died.. He always asked me so caring and softly "Why dont you cover your hair my daughter.?" His death would become my birth alhamdulillah.. May Allah(SWT) reward him with Jannah.. 

My first step towards Allah was actually starting with prayer, salaat.. When we take only one step towards Him with sincerity, He approaches us even more! 
For sincerity is the most important thing in our worshipping Allah swt, because those are the ones Satan has no power over.(Qur'an 15:39-40)

Before my grandpa died a woman we knew asked me: "Do you love God?" 
"Of course I love Him!" I replied. You know what she said?...
"No you don't! If you'd love Him, you would wear hijab!"... 
Interestingly, this woman wasn't even Muslim!! SUBHANALLAH. 
It was Allah(SWT) who made her say that of course. I had to prove my love for Him.. And it really hit me in the face.

When my parents went to my grandfather's funeral I began wearing my precious gift:
My scarf.  Step two!

Truly, Allah guides whom He wishes.. All praise to Him! So we keep on asking for guidance.. 

These main change in a person's life are those that people can witness with their own eyes. 
After this, their attitude starts to change. And you come to know your real friends.
But! No problem.

As time went by, I met my beloved sister Soha from Egypt.. She was married to Dutch revert, mashaAllah. When she came to visit us one day, we had a conversation about the niqab.. 
She wasn't sure about it's necessity, while I in fact was convinced that it had to be fard.
And I wasn't even wearing it! I told her about why I believed it was the way a Muslim woman should cover herself. I gave her some examples such as: 
   
  -The Prophet(SAW) told the Muslim women to uncover their faces during ihraam (sacred state    while performing hajj) "So they must have been covering their faces!" I said.
     -All scholars agreed with the obligation of niqab if the woman's face is so pretty that it would cause fitnah. "Please tell me, which part of our body is most beautifull? And we all know a woman gets even prettier if only her face is shown.. And finding someone pretty is a matter of opinion!" These, among many others where some of the reasons I gave her as we continued our discussion on the issue.

But when my dearest friend Soha called me a few weeks later that she was wearing the niqab now, I was shocked! I was happy! I felt ashamed! I was ashamed by the fact that I was convincing someone to do something that I, myself wasn't even capable of. Mainly because I didn't have the courage! May Allah(SWT)forgive me..
"I always felt something was missing and I was afraid of dying like that, but now I feel complete! And I am not afraid anymore. I know now, THIS is the way of covering Allah wants from us." These were Soha's remarks in regards to what made her wear niqab.
From that moment on (that was about more than at least twelve years ago( until the day that  I finally made up my mind and decided to wear niqab, I carried the burden of this 'incident'..
But now I finally feel free!!!...............

*The rest of Mariam's niqab journey will be posted soon inshaAllah. Also, Maryam is not her real name but has been chosen in order to preserve her anonymity*