Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu ukthi, I’ve been getting so many blasphemous thoughts each day that they make me want to cry so much.. They are so bad that I’m so afraid that I’m out of the fold of Islam and that makes me feel really helpless in myself. I’m going to share with you what kind of thoughts they are.. “You can’t see Allah, so He doesn’t exist.” authubillah! Here’s another: “You’re not a muslim anymore because you are doubting your iman.” and finally: “You’re a disbeliever, why pray? It won’t even be accepted anyway.” Astaghfirullah, lately I've felt doubtful about my deen and if all the blasphemous thoughts are really true. :( I feel really sad that my supplications are not being answered when I sincerely ask Allah azza wajjal to give me certainty in Him. For some reason..my heart is half a certain believer and half doubtful if that makes any sense.. :/ I sometimes wonder if Allah has sealed my heart already and my fate in the akhira. I tremble with fear and tears roll down my face when I think about facing Allah with doubts in my faith and how that could potentially lead me to the fire. I always seek Allah's refuge from jahannam but I'm so scared that He has abandoned me already and doesn't want me to be a jannati. </3 The thought of Allah's wrath upon me breaks my heart. None of us can bear that of course :''( Any advice sister? May Allah reward you for reading this. -
Waleikum Asalaam Warahmatullah Wabarakatu Sister!
It’s so sad to hear you’ve been doubting your iman sister. Unfortunately, many Muslims go through periods such as this for various reasons. It could be that you are stressed out about something else going on in your life that is pulling you away from the deen. You should make sure to reassess your environment and those you keep company with. Are you constantly surrounded by haram or overtly focused on matters of the dunya? Try spending more time at Islamic events, hanging out with good sisters, reading the Qur’an and engaging in more matters of ibadah such as dhikr, fasting and nawfil salat.
In regards to your concern about whether or not your heart has been sealed- the fact that you are so worried about the state of your iman and possibly being in disbelief clearly shows that your heart is not sealed. Allah(SWT) says in Sura Al-Baqarah:
As to those who reject Faith, it is the same to them whether thou warn them or do not warn them they will not believe. Allah hath set a seal on their hearts and on their hearing. And on their eyes is a veil; great is the penalty they (incur).” (Surah 2:6-7)
Your awareness about possibly being in disbelief shows that you have not denied the existence of Allah subhana wa ta ‘ala and your obligations to him. Also, usually people who are overtly lacking in iman do not care when they are having bad thoughts, they do not care that they might be venturing into the haram. They won’t even notice that there’s a problem with their iman. Alhamdulilah, you are able to recognize that there is a problem and would like to fix it.
Remember that the Prophet(SAW) said:
Faith wears out in the heart of any one of you just as clothes wear out, so ask Allaah to renew the faith in your hearts.” Reported by al-Tabaraani
This hadith tells us that it’s normal for our iman to wade back and forth. The important thing is to make sure that we are always engaging in actions that will strengthen our iman and staying away from those that will have extreme adverse effects on our iman. The Prophet(SAW) also used to recite this dua(supplication):
Ya muqallib al Quloob, thabbit qalbee alaa deenik" -O turner of the hearts, establish my heart upon your deen
Alongside the above dua from RasulAllah(SAW), the Qur'an also provides us with this dua to recite:
Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us.” (Sura 3:8)
Along with making dua and the suggestions I provided earlier, try making istigfaar. It could be that you’ve done something extremely wrong that is tearing you away from Allah and breaking your iman. Wake up in the middle of the night and pray salah and make dua to Allah. inshaAllah khair, as the month of Ramadan is upon us, you will be spending time fasting, reading the Qur’an, praying taraweeh and consistently engaging in matters of ibadah. I sincerely make dua for you and pray that you are able rid your mind of these sad thoughts and feel confident and secure in your iman again.
Hopefully this helps sister!
*For the readers: Do you have any advice for Sister Hayat A? If you do have any advice or words of encouragement, post them in the comment box.*