My Journey To Islam: Part 1
This article was written by SFC Guest Contributor, FreeMuslimah.
My journey to Islam was not an easy one. I had to overcome so many obstacles that at some point I felt like giving up on my religion.
Life for me before Islam was extremely difficult. I was a very shy, quiet and reserved as a teenager. I didn’t go to nightclubs, bars or drink alcohol. I was neither interested in boys or participating in any of the typical western activities that was expected of a girl at my age. I was considered an outsider and weird because I didn’t conform to the west’s ‘cool kid’ ideology. I certainly felt like I didn’t belong in a community which encouraged and accepted ‘boyfriends’,’ loud/brash behaviour’ and consumption of alcohol. Believe me, I tried to fit in but every time I did something which was considered ‘normal teenage behaviour’, such as clubbing, I felt a huge dark cloud descending down on me. It just didn’t feel right,. Needless to say, me trying to fit in didn’t last long so I remained the weird girl. I knew I needed something more in life but I just didn’t know what that was…..until I found Islam.
I discovered Islam shortly after September 11th. I read some literature about the religion. I particularly focussed on the ‘role of the woman’ in Islam. The way these religious website described the Muslimiah’s nature was like looking in a mirror. It reflected my thinking, behaviour and intentions, that is when I knew Islam is what I had been searching for all along. I felt a connection with Allah, the prophets and the culture that emanated from Islam. The first time I heard Quran, I cried, it was so beautiful and although I didn’t understand the language, my heart ached for the beautiful words.
The first obstacle I had to tackle was my parents. I knew they would not be happy with me changing my religion, so for the first four years I kept my conversion a secret. I am ashamed to admit this but when someone mocked and ridiculed Muslims, I joined in. I didn’t want anyone knowing I was Muslim as I was scared of people’s negative reaction, so I remained for a long time in their eyes Atheist and a 'Muslim hater' .
A few years passed and I decided that enough was enough. I needed to change as I was sick of leading a double life. I was a Muslim and I needed to lead a life that i would have the freedom to practise my religion openly. I thought deeply about it and decided that a quick marriage might be the only solution to help me to gain this freedom…so I joined a Muslim marriage site.
When I joined the website, I naively thought that the men on that website were only looking for marriage-. I discovered that this wasn’t the case. There were a all sorts criminals, play boys and visa hunters etc.. So after weeding through all these undesirable men, I eventually found my husband , at last my prince charming!
We have grew both spiritually and religiously together, travelled the world, worked hard and created a beautiful life for our family. I am truly blessed and I thank Allah for protecting me and giving me so much fantastic opportunities and gifts in this life. So I did eventually have a fairy tale ending all thanks to my determination to become ( and remain) a Muslim, Allah and my husband .
Stay Tuned for Part 2...
About "FreeMuslimah": I am a wife, a mother and a teacher. I enjoy reading both fiction and non fiction. I also enjoy family time, cooking, learning about other cultures, travelling, learning new skills and meeting new people. I have a few ambitions study for a Master’s degree, set up my own business and write a children’s book.
Layla: A Conversion
This article is a conversion story submitted by one of our Guest Contributors, Layla.
Before I converted to Islam, I had no interest in religion. Never in a million years would I have imagined myself to be a religious person. If someone told me that one day I would be a pious Muslim, I would have laughed. As a kid, my parents had us attend Sunday school at a Lutheran church every week and we would go to church on Christmas and other Christian holidays. The kids memorized the names of chapters in the Bible in Sunday school and everyone sang songs on Christmas. To be honest, nobody in my family enjoyed attending church, but I respect and appreciate that they tried to do what they thought was right and wanted us to believe in God. It’s not that we didn’t want to be religious people, it’s just that we never learned anything valuable in church... singing songs didn’t bring any of us closer to God. As I got older, we slowly stopped attending church except for on Christmas Eve, and eventually we just stopped going altogether. I attended my friend’s Catholic church when I was a little older, and seeing statues of saints being prayed to, people confessing their sins to a stranger in a booth to forgive them, and people eating wafers and drinking wine that was supposed to represent Christ’s flesh and blood was odd to me. I realized why my mother who was raised Catholic left the sect as soon as she moved out of her parents’ house. From this point on, I felt like religion was just not for me. Being raised in a predominantly Christian country, you are brought up thinking that Christianity is the only religion…. That if you believe in God, then you have to be a Christian. Whenever I heard the word “Islam”, it seemed so foreign to me, I assumed it was a cultural religion practiced in the Middle East and only people from that region believed in it. It turns out that that most Americans and other Westerners also believe that. Most Americans, including myself were never taught that Islam is one of the three Abrahamic religions, along with Christianity and Judaism, which believe in the same God and most of the same prophets and messengers. When I got a bit older, I lived in New York City, surrounded by people from many different backgrounds and faiths… completely opposite of the suburb of Philadelphia that I grew up in.
Out of curiosity, I started learning about Islam and even Christianity, since I had never really known about what the faith actually taught despite being raised Christian. The main difference that stuck out to me between Islam and Christianity was that in Islam, you worship God alone, there is only one God. In my heart, I always knew that there was only one God. I did not think Jesus was God, or a third of God, like the Christian faith preaches. I learned that Islam taught that Jesus was actually a prophet, as he even says himself in the Bible, and not a God. And when I thought about it logically, I knew that a man who was killed could not be God, because God is not a human being, and he most definitely cannot die. The more I read about Islam, the more interested I became because it was so logical and free of contradictions. I was so amazed to learn that the Quran, Islam’s holy book revealed over 1400 years ago to a man who could not read or write, contained so much scientific knowledge about Earth, mankind, space, and more, that modern scientists have only been able to discover recently with modern technology, and that so many scientists worldwide have converted to Islam for just that reason. I remember getting chills (and I still do to this day) from the information in Islam I read that no human could have possibly known 1400 years ago. This was a clear sign to me that this information was sent by God. While I was in New York I was lucky enough to meet a Muslim whose father taught Islam, so he had a lot of knowledge about the religion.
He taught me so much about Islam and I was also able to get answers for all of the questions I had. I learned that Islam was the most peaceful religion I could have imagined, and that murder, terrorism, and suicide are harshly condemned and disallowed, contrary to what the media portrays. The more he taught me and the more I read about Islam, the more I realized that Islam was the truth. I don’t like to consider Islam a “religion”. To me, the word religion always meant a set of morals one chooses to follow because they agree with it. Even though Islam had the highest set of morals I had ever found, such as taking care of the needy, orphans, kindness and justice to women and animals (the list goes on and on), I would not have converted to Islam and changed my life to only have a high moral compass. If I converted to a religion, it had to be for one reason, that it was the absolute truth, backed up by science, proof, and logic. I was completely convinced that Islam was the truth. My thirst to know the truth about God, creation, and myself was quenched. It is very evident why Islam is the fastest growing religion in with the world with the highest number of converts, despite the media’s negative portrayal of it. Ever since I became a Muslim, I no longer feel a sense of emptiness in my life, I no longer wonder why I am here or what I’m supposed to do. If the whole world turned against me it doesn’t matter, God guided me to the truth, and I feel so grateful. Alhamdulilah.
Learning to Forgive Yourself
Asalaam Aleikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu. First I’d like to let you know that I am by no means a scholar. I am a revert who, just like many of you, is learning new things every day. I pray that Allah keeps my words and intentions pure and that He blesses them so they can help someone else.
I am an American revert. I was called by Allah since childhood, but didn’t learn about Islam until after 9/11. I received my first Qur’an, which was in Arabic with English transliteration, in 2002. I had grown up Christian but always felt there was “more to it all”. Things I learned in church just didn’t make sense to me. I never found the peace that everyone always proclaimed to receive after accepting Jesus (Isa), peace and blessings be upon him, into my heart. So as a child, I remember raising my hand in church when asked who accepted Christ, peace and blessings be upon him, into their hearts every week because I thought maybe I was doing something wrong, and that was why I didn’t feel this so called “peace” in my heart.
I always had this emptiness inside me. I remember crying and crying to the neighbors’ horse about all my woes and issues. How no one really loved me. I felt like an alien and knew deep down there must have been something wrong with me because I didn’t fit in, I wasn’t “popular”, in fact I got teased a lot in school. I am overly sensitive and this didn’t seem to help me much. My poor mom was always worrying why I was crying this day or that.
As a teenager I knew “right from wrong” but I still had this feeling of emptiness. So I turned to others to try to fill that void. Rebellion, ignorance, confusion and a longing for “real love” is a dangerous combination for a young teenage girl. My mom had told me that “sex is something you do with someone you love”. She meant of course in marriage, as that is all she had known in her generation, but not a good thing to say to someone looking for love and believing that others tell you the truth just because you’re truthful. Teenage girls tend to “fall in love” at a drop of the hat, and I ended up pregnant at the age of 16.
My parents of course were upset, my mom embarrassed and hurt, feeling she had failed me somehow. But in reality I had failed myself. And it didn’t stop there. I kept looking for love in “all the wrong places” and ended up getting hurt, hurting myself, hurting my family, my children and my faith. I’d try so hard to be a “good Christian” but would fail and then fall into the “I don’t deserve Gods love” way of thinking and I’d get good and lost again.
All this time I still had this longing; this feeling that there was more to God than what they taught in church. I loved God…truly. I wanted to be so good for Him but always seemed to fail. And many times my friends and family would make “light” of my mistakes and deep down that just made me feel even more worthless and unworthy of anything “good” or of Gods love.
I almost died after giving birth to my first daughter. I became very depressed after having her and a year later I was in a car accident that I “know” I should have died in. There are so many times I’ve thought, “I should have died just then”, but I didn’t. So I got it in my head that I didn’t die because even God didn’t want me. Alhamdulillah that I was wrong.
I won’t go into every sordid sin, but if it’s a sin, big or small, I think I’ve done them all. I also delved into other religions trying to find the solution to my emptiness. Buddhism, Hinduism, Native American beliefs and even Wicca (witchcraft) and ended back with Christianity, but still this aching void was always there.
During this time, I had moved many times. I decided the best thing for my 3 children, at the time, was to NOT have me in their life. I had done such a good job of ruining my own life, I worried I’d just ruin theirs as well. So I gave them to their dad and moved away. I ended up in one failed, haram relationship after another. This really made my self esteem which was already so low, go even lower. If no one wanted me in their life for long, how could God want me? This went on for a few years with me moving over 12 times across the country and then back.
FRIENDSHIP AND ISLAM
Recently on my blog I had a new convert reach out to me and ask me why they felt so alone lately and why they seem to be having a hard time keeping any friends around. “It feels like they are dropping like flies” I took some time to reflect before I was able to continue the conversation, the more I thought about the reverts that I have come across, I came to realize that the most common problem is how many friends and family we tend to lose during our transition into this new lifestyle. What is it about Islam that drives people away? I kept asking myself this since I, was also changing the circle of people I decided to surround myself with. Overtime, I have learned that most often it is due to the misconceptions of Islam and the fact that we are trying to devote our entire lives to a higher purpose. Islam is not just a religion that we practice on certain days, it is a lifestyle, it requires hard work and most definitely, some remodeling of our lives and ourselves. This is the most fragile time for a revert. We tend to not have a good solid base of support from our family and friends, whom unless they are Muslim, do not really have a solid understanding of what Islam teaches. The more I reach out to other reverts the more I understand that the transition into Islam is very tough on us and if we happen to have good Muslim friends we are very blessed. During this time however we need to remember that this is a test from Allah SWT and we need to use this time to our best benefit instead of listening to the whispers of shaytan to keep us feeling down and focusing on the negative. We must remember that Allah(SWT) wants us to get closer to him. A good friend of mine once told me that Allah(SWT) loves to hear us calling his name and he will come running to us even if we are only taking baby steps. We are taught this in this Hadith Qudsi:
On the authority of Abu Harayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (PBUH) said: Allah the Almighty said:
The most frequent advice that I have received from other Muslims is that I should go to a masjid and get involved with the sisters that are there, but for the most part new reverts are not so comfortable with going to the masjid by ourselves because it may seem a little intimidating. Some tips that I would like to give to to other reverts are :
This article was written by an SFC guest contributor
This is the second and last series in our Convert Perspectives Collection. Interviewees: Francesca and Chib
QUESTION #1: WERE YOU RAISED IN A RELIGIONS HOME PRIOR TO REVERTING TO ISLAM?
Francesca: I was raised in a Catholic household before I converted to Islam, although I didn't really practice Catholicism myself.
Chib: Salaam and hello everyone. I was raised in a Catholic home. My parents are Hispanic and Catholicism is the religion which many Hispanics tend to follow. I, however never really felt any connection to it. I attended Sunday school and did my first Communion but afterwards I didn't feel comfortable following a religion which did not seem to fit who I was as a person. So I left the Catholic Church when I was only 11.
QUESTION #2: WHAT INITIALLY DREW YOU TO ISLAM?
Francesca: My friend from school went to Saudi for Umrah(pilgrimage to hajj that is taken outside of the month of dhul hijja), and when he came back he showed me pictures of Mecca. I remember looking at them and feeling like someone had taking my breath away, SubhanAllah. Everything was just so beautiful, and I wanted to know more. My friend began telling me a few things about the pilgrimage and what it involves and he then sent me a link of the Adhan. When I listened to it, I started to tear up and I felt like something touched my heart. I'd never admired something so much before, and it felt weird. I began to research a little bit about Islam after this independently, and began to find myself agreeing with what it taught and discovered the true beauty of Islam. Within a short period of time, I'd already believed that Islam provided me with a connection with God that I had never experienced before. I was very scared though at what other people would think, so I kept my thoughts to myself. However, after a conversation with my friend, he started to ask me how I felt about Islam, and when he asked me if I believed that Allah is one and that Prophet Muhammed(PBUH) was his final messenger, and at that moment I realised that there was nothing holding me back so I decided to take my Shahadah, Alhamdulilah.
Chib: What initially drew me to Islam to begin with was always the fact that there was one God to pray to. Also that the Qur'an has not ever been rewritten. The more research I started to do the more I fell in love with Islam. How it intertwined with science and gave explanations as well as how it explained how the Qur'an is the real word of Allah SWT by giving examples scientifically as well as mathematically and logically. Also how women are viewed as the highest things in this world. That was what sealed the deal for me.
QUESTION #3: WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO CONVERT?
Francesca: See response to #2
Chib: I decided to convert because I knew this was what I was looking for. My whole life has always been a long search for something to make me feel whole. I never understood what I was trying to find so I decided to fill it with other things like relationships, parties, drinking, smoking you name it. After a while I fell into some hardships and decided to start searching for religion again. I tried to become Christian but it didn't feel right to me. I remember looking at this Youtube video that was titled “Don't Be Sad Allah SWT Knows Why”. After watching that video I just couldn't believe that everything I had been so confused about was answered in this video and right then and there I knew that Islam was for me. I felt it in my heart.
QUESTION #4:HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU FROM LEARNING ABOUT ISLAM TO ACTUALLY CONVERTING? WHY WAS IT A QUICK OR PROLONGED DECISION?
Francesca: My interest in Islam always lingered in the back of my mind but I never really took it seriously. It was just something I was aware of. Once I began to think about what Islam meant and whether I wanted to be a Muslim, it wasn't long before I converted.
Chib: It took me around 4-5 months before I actually decided to take my Shahada, I knew after finding Islam that I wanted to convert. However I wanted to make sure I took my time and did my research before I made that commitment to Allah SWT. I always told myself that Allah SWT would tell me when the time was right and on January 6th 2014 I woke up and it was the coldest day in Chicago -35 degrees and I knew today was the day.
QUESTION #5:WHAT WERE THE REACTIONS OF YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY UPON YOUR CONVERSION?
Francesca: My parents do not know that I am Muslim, I did try to tell them when I originally converted. They already knew that I was interested in Islam, as I would talk about it to my mum. My mum seemed very calm about it and would be interested to. I thought it meant that when I would tell her about my interest of being a Muslim, she would have been okay with it but I was wrong. The first thing I decided to do was give up pork, so I told my mum that I no longer wanted to eat it anymore because I wanted to take my interests in Islam seriously. My mum got very angry with me. And over the next couple of weeks, my parents and I argued constantly. Eventually, it ended up in a lot of tears from both sides. I remember my parents saying things like "Aren't you proud of us" "Do you love Islam more than us", and it broke my heart because I didn't know what to say. My parents are very ignorant about Islam and make assumptions so they weren't happy and it caused a huge amount of stress. They said a lot of hurtful things about Islam, and our relationship isn't the same anymore, but it just made me want to stick by the decision I had already made to be a Muslim. My friends however, are really supportive and are happy for me.
Chib: After converting I decided to only let 2 of my closest friends know, they were very supportive and provided me with so many sources about Islam to make sure this was what I wanted. They even took me to the masjid to take my Shahada. However not all my friends were as supportive. I lost a lot of friends after they had found out about my conversion. I even stopped talking to one of my closest girl friend because she just wasn't the type of person I wanted to surround myself with anymore. I would say a good percentage of my friends were surprised because I never looked like the type to be Muslim. But they were so happy for me because most of my friends were Muslim. As for my family they were a little uncertain on how to take the news. I had to hide it from my parents for a bit because I wasn't sure how they would react. After I told my mom she told me she was happy for me that I found something to believe in. As for my father he doesn't really discuss it with me.
Aslaam Aleikum! Striving For Clarity has started a new collection titled “Convert Perspectives”. The goal is to begin an ongoing collection about converts. Each month iA, we will have a few questions that we will ask several converts to answer. We will then share these on the 'Convert/Revert' section of the site. By learning about other people's experiences, we can gain wisdom and build connections. Every month(or less if we get an influx of responses) we will we changing the questions asked in order to offer you various viewpoints on various issues. If you would like to contribute to the next series in the "Convert Perspectives" collection, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
QUESTION #1: ABOUT YOU: WRITE 1-3 PARAGRAPHS THAT INCLUDES INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR PREVIOUS RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND, HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN A MUSLIM, WHAT INITIALLY PEAKED YOUR INTEREST IN ISLAM, AND THE REACTION OF FAMILY/FRIENDS TO YOUR CONVERSION.
Amina Panama: Bismillah. When I was 6 years old I saw a muslim woman and I asked my mother “why they wore a veil?” She didn't know so she told me “you can use one if you want to, nobody will know that this its you.” Time went on and I forgot about the veil. I was Catholic and i used to practice as much as I could, I used to be in all of the activities of the church and I helped a lot. Finally one day, I told my mom that it was so silly to pray to people and not to God, so at the age of 16 I stopped participating in church activities and dedicated all my time to sports. At the age of 16 my life was empty, I was an international athlete and I studied a lot in high school but without friends and my parents working all time, it was so hard for me and I started looking for love in others and eventually got my heart broken many times. I was so lost and I decided to stop everything and have a normal life without sports. One day a friend of mine gave me her phone and I saw her contacts and I asked what about this guy and she said “He is Arab and Muslim but you know what they are so cool because we are always together.” So I took his number and he invited me to go out but five days before going on our date I started reading about his religion and I fell in love with Deen. Eventually before our date I told him “it’s haram for you to date me so stay away”. As time passed, and I used to cry all night reading all these amazing stories about women in islam and three months later I said to myself “this is what I want for my life” and decided to revert. My parents hate it a lot and hate who I am now, my friends love it and protect me. Overall, my reversion was great with friends but I lost my family, I have now been Muslim for three years Alhamdulilah.
Julius Allen: Assalaamu Alaikum! I'm a former Christian who accepted Islam in 2011. Islam and other religions were never the topic of conversation during my upbringing. Any knowledge of different faiths was a personal endeavor and this never really took place with anyone in my family. We had our faith and that was the end of discussion because if it was good enough for our elders than it was for everyone else as well. My faith was more of a cultural practice than a religious one because everyone I knew usually spoke of religion on Sundays. I had my beliefs but I lived my life the way I saw fit rather than defining myself in light of my Christian faith. I've always been intrigued by other faiths but never to the point of converting. However intrigued I became with other faiths, I was always interested in the "one path". I figured it was "one path" that catered to the commonalities of humanity and truly emphasized on what united us rather than what divides us. I never truly made an effort to engage in religious talks or research other religions. My interest was just wishful thinking and if the opportunity presented itself, I would then move forward on learning. Islam came to me in a special way that took my curiosity to the next level. I was interested in Islamophobia and the western narrative of Muslims. I then began to spend time with Muslims more than before because I wanted to know about their faith for general knowledge. I made it clear that my intent was to learn because my experience contradicted the western stereotype. I immediately began to rethink my Christian faith while researching Islam. I saw gaps in my faith that Islam filled and soon after I would go on to revert to Islam. Since then, my faith has become a defining factor in my life and more than just a one day a week conversation.
Julia: Hi, my name is Julie and I am from Australia. I was raised in a strictly NON-religious home where religion was outwardly condemned. Being in a predominantly Christian country I was raised with traditions such as Christmas, Easter, etc. and was exposed to some of these teachings at school. As a teenager I was attracted to alcohol, drugs and sex and felt very lost. I attempted to go to church in my late teens in my search for religion. This experience was mostly ok except for a few instances which turned me off religion myself. I then went down the path of partying, drugs and alcohol until I had children at 23. After 2 children and a divorce I found myself on the dating scene again at about 28 years old where I met my now husband who was born Muslim. He was living here and was originally from Jordan. We realised very early on that we loved each other and wanted to make the relationship official for us to move in together and begin our marriage. We got married at the mosque even though I was not yet muslim and I even went to Jummah sometimes and did A LOT of reading about Islam including reading some of my translated Qur’an. I finally converted almost a year after my marriage began(approximately one year ago) and I have become the happiest person I have ever been. I gave up smoking and drinking as soon as I started even reading about Islam and now feel I am content with who I am and feel less pressured from external things including what is 'socially' acceptable. It took me a long time to come out to my family and some still don't know. My mum was the first one I told and she was at first a little apprehensive about what it meant for me and the kids. However, she just went to Jordan to visit my in-laws and she has come back truly loving Islam Alhamdulillah! I live in a small town where there are no other muslims which makes my next step a lot harder. My next step and goal is to start wearing hijab. I really want to make this step but feel worried about the persecution which may also come with it. I am a teacher and feel my work prospects may be tarnished... time will tell, the calling to wear hijab is getting too strong. Inshallah, this will eventuate soon.
Aslaam Aleikum! If you haven’t heard, Striving For Clarity has started a new collection titled “Convert Perspectives”. The goal is to begin an ongoing series about converts. Each month iA, we will have a few questions that we will ask several converts to answer. We will then share these on the 'Convert/Revert' section of the site. By learning about other people's experiences, we can gain wisdom and build connections. Every month(or less if we get an influx of responses) we will we changing the questions asked in order to offer you various viewpoints on various issues. If you would like to contribute to the next series in the "Convert Perspectives" collection, email us at email@example.com.
Interviewees: Amanda, Aisha and TasreenKhaldi
QUESTION #1: ABOUT YOU: WRITE 1-3 PARAGRAPHS THAT INCLUDES INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR PREVIOUS RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND, HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN A MUSLIM, WHAT INITIALLY PEAKED YOUR INTEREST IN ISLAM, AND THE REACTION OF FAMILY/FRIENDS TO YOUR CONVERSION.
Amanda: I was raised Roman Catholic, in a Polish-American community. We were real Catholics - Mass every Sunday was a must, Wednesdays were almost weekly for a Latin Mass, first Fridays were tried. No meat on Fridays throughout the year, etc... I'm pretty young, I converted while I was in college. My family did not take my conversion well, and basically we are at a point where we just don't talk about politics or religion because it causes too much tension.
Aisha: I was raised without religion. My parents said religion was for the weak and used to control the masses. We never lived in one place for too long and moved a lot. My family followed the fruit and vegetable crops during the Spring and Summer months and in the Winter we followed tree planting or wintered in Arizona. My father was paranoid schizophrenia bipolar and he would therefore change his personality like one would change clothes. It was very scary and we never knew what to expect. All of that changed when I was 15 when he killed himself. My mother then moved us to Arizona and I basically raised my little brother and sisters while my mother drank herself into a haze. I got my G.E.D(high school diploma equivalency) and went to culinary school then went on to have 2 children. I slowly started researching religions and none of them really made sense. In 2004 I started researching Islam then something happened; my sister who is 2 years younger than I, got into trouble and went to jail. It was then I decided to accept Islam. It was hard. I didn't receive a lot of support . I taught myself as much as I could and tried to make Muslim friends in the community but it is sad to say that there was a lot of cliques and it was hard. I did manage to make a few friends and I pulled through. it is slow going and I struggle to learn every day
TasreenKhaldix: My name is Tasreen and I am 17 Years old. My mother is half English, half Irish and my father is Pakistani. I embraced Islam at the age of 14 years old Alhamdulilah, just as i started my GCSE'S (Beginning of year 10). I took my Shahadah on the 21st September 2011, it has been 2 years and will be 3 this coming September in sha Allah. I was raised by my Mother alone and had no involvement with my Dad up until i was around 9/10. My mother is Christian (catholic) and my father is Muslim. I was born with no particular religion, but I would attend church, especially to celebrate Christmas. Religion was never really implemented into my life and therefore i did not really have any knowledge of religion, however when something bad happened I would immediately turn to God. I had many troubles whilst I was growing into my teenage years. Certain issues arose that made it hard for me to cope. Things such as bullying and depression lead me to become unhappy a lot of the time. I never really felt like I knew who I was, I never felt as though I 'fitted in' anywhere. It's like I was subconsciously searching for who i really was. How I came to convert is quite confusing. There is no clear reason Alhamdulilah. All my friends at the time were different races and none were Muslim. However, I had one muslim person on my BBM contact list. I would always see this person post things about the religion, really vague things even as little as saying ‘Masha Allah’ or ‘In sha Allah’. This is the first thing that sparked my interest. So the next few days I approached the only Muslim girl I’'d only ever really spoke to or had a connection with. I knew NOTHING about the religion at all, however randomly I told her how I felt and she began to speak to me Masha Allah. A few of the other girls then decided to help me out a bit (ALHAMDULILAH p.s i love these girls). They would text me and always talk about islam with me. However, when I told my mom, she was not so pleased. She felt as though I wouldn't be able to conform to the religion. For example, I used to love to style my hair, and she thought that I wouldn't be able to handle hijab. That really disheartened me, and then a few events in my life happened and it was a hard period for me, so I dropped the idea of converting. I went on holiday to Spain for six weeks, and once I returned I noticed I had lots of text's from one particular sister. Masha Allah she tried so hard. At this moment in time I began to question and challenge the religion with really stupid questions just so that I didn't have to convert (embarrassing lol). I started to come up with excuses such as I’ll convert when i leave college etc. To cut the story short, she defeated me intellectually and I eventually took my Shahadah. I knew nothing about the religion but something within me was just yearning for this! The reaction of everybody was not so great. Eventually, I lost all of my friends. What hurt me the most was losing my closest friend with whom I had been close with since year 7. Nobody really knew that I had converted until after 2 weeks, when I started to wear hijab. Everybody began to talk. All this talk was negative, people claiming I had done it just to fit in, others saying that I wanted attention. Alhamdulilah I had my new Muslim girls who gave me the strength to deal with it all. It was extremely hard. My mom at first, was not so supportive and absolutely hated the religion. She had an extremely negative view on it and would moan at the things i would do. However, eventually, ALHAMDULILAH she realized that this is what I wanted, and she was supportive. She now understands a bit more about the religion through me, and her views have changed; In sha Allah, Allah guides her. My mom is the most supportive even though she is not muslim, and puts effort in buying halal meat when she can and even taking me shopping to buy scarves. My dads family were very happy and are still supportive to this day.
Welcome to our "Convert/Revert" section. This section of Striving For Clarity is dedicated to articles and stories geared towards those who chose to enter Islam later in life. If you would like to contribute to this section, visit our Guest Contributor page.