Asalaam Alaikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,
How are you? In sha Allah, all is going well with you and your life. This is probably where I should mention that I miss you but based on your actions over the last year, months and weeks, you probably don’t care. If you did care, we’d probably still be friends and this letter would not need to be written. Ideally though, it would be nice to know that you still think of me occasionally and miss me as well.
It’s been a couple of months since we’ve spoken and although this isn’t the first time that that’s happened, something tells me, this time is different. This time, it’s definite. The last time we stopped talking, or more accurately- you stopped talking to me, I probably shouldn’t have responded when you finally decided to reach out but nevertheless, I decided to anyway, and now, we’re here again. Who would’ve thought that a day would come where our phones weren’t going off with notifications from WhatsApp messages, Instagram tags and mutual Facebook comments? A day where I’d be laughing on the phone and my husband wouldn’t ask “Are you talking to again?”.
I remember when I first met you, I didn’t think we’d be friends and actually avoided you for some time. We didn’t become close friends until about two years after we initially met and I remember thinking “I should’ve hung out with her sooner”. Never did I think we’d get to this place.
You were one of the few people that I thought I could sincerely count on. We’d joke about taking vacations together once we were both married. We joked about being ‘aunties’ to each other’s children. You were someone that I thought I could tell almost anything to. Now, I’d second guess even telling you the most superficial of details about my life. I thought you’d always be be a phone call or text message away. Then you stopped answering. You were supposed to be one of few people that I could trust. Then I learned about the judgements and things said about me to others. I thought our friendship was based on mutual respect, admiration and love for the deen. Instead, it seems as if I was only there to fill a certain temporary role. I thought we’d be friends in this life and the next. Instead, we’ve grown apart.
I guess that’s just life.
We don’t talk anymore. I don’t know how your life is going or what you’ve been going through. I have my suspicions based on the past, but that’s not the same as knowing. Are you happy? Are you where you want to be in life? How are your siblings and parents doing? How are your studies going?
Even though we’re no longer friends(I think it’s safe to conclude that we’re no longer friends but you’re welcome to correct me), I want you know that I don’t dislike you and that I do still care about your well-being. You were what I’d consider a best friend and despite how things ended, I will always love you for the sake of Allah.
I still randomly come across things that remind me of you and thanks to Facebook’s “On This Day” feature, I still see some of our old interactions. There are times when I’ll read an article and think about how in the past, I would send it to you and then we’d delve into a long discussion on our thoughts. Now that I’m expecting, there are instances where I’ll remember something that we previously discussed about having kids and I’ll laugh and think to tell you about it. Fortunately, these moments are happening less and less and eventually you’ll just become a distant memory.
We all choose our own paths in life and it seems we’ve come to the point where ours no longer intertwine. I hope you’re happy. I hope you’ve found someone else to engage in long discussions with. Someone else to banter about proper etiquette guidelines with. Someone else to vent to and to celebrate your accomplishments with. Someone else to share new insights or knowledge about the deen with.
Knowing you the way that I do, you’re probably going to disregard this letter. I’d actually be surprised if you read it till the end.
I’ll end by saying: I do cherish the memories we made and hope that your life is filled with success, prosperity and happiness. As always, you are still in duas.
Your former ‘friend’.
To seal a friendship for Allah’s sake indicates the obligation of establishing relationships of love and trust for His sake; this is a friendship for the sake of Allah. It also indicates that simple affection is not enough here; indeed what is meant is a love based upon alliance. This entails assistance, honor, and respect. It means being with those whom you love both in word and deed.”
As Muslims we must be forbearing and sincere towards one another. Your Muslim sister should be someone that you can turn to in a time of need and someone you can seek advice from. A Muslimah must be tolerant towards her fellow sisters and overlook their mistakes. When a problem arises, she should not rush to adopt a solution that may cause division and haraam kinds of forsaking. The importance of relationships, in regards to friends and family is something that I always try to remember. If you've read my previous posts, you'll know that I haven't always put much stock into friendships. Over the past year, it's something that I've been working on. May Allah-SWT- continue to guide me. May Allah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.
What exactly does someone mean when they say "I'm Salafi"? Generally what they're saying is “I follow the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger, based on the understanding and practical implementation of the Salaf as-Sālih (i.e. first three generations)”.
There are a lot of people who like to treat Salafiyyah as if it's a sect or some exclusive group. It's not and it shouldn't be treated as such. I first became familiar with Salafiyyah seven years ago. I remember thinking that it made perfect sense and that it was very self explanatory. Why shouldn't Muslims only follow the Qur'an and Sunnah. I think what turned me off was the fact that so many so-called Salafis treat it as a sect/group and spend so much time badmouthing others. They used the term "Salafi" as a tool to elevate themselves in the eyes of others. So needless to say, I didn't associate myself with Salafiyyah but identified myself simply as "I am Muslim and believe in following the Qur'an and Sunnah".
Fast forward a couple of years and doing more research, I came across Salafiyyah again. Still, I was turned off by the lack of adab many Salafi proponents exhibited, the "obsession" with badmouthing other Muslims who didn't fit their "standard" and the sheer lack of discourse and dialogue among Salafis- every question was answered with a ruling-no feelings, no humanity, no discussions or acknowledgement of the real life difficulties and stressors that come with them. In summary, I found it hard to relate to these people. They seemed to lack a lot of the attributes that many of the Sahabah had.
Fast forward a couple more years, getting married and gaining more knowledge, and my thoughts are about the same. However, I've come to accept that my problem isn't with the methodology. The problem was with the people. I will say that I agree with and follow the Salafi methodology. As a Muslim, I strive to adhere to the Qur'an and Sunnah and utilize the examples of the Sahabah, the Tabi'in and the Tabi al-Tabi'in. My husband and I generally use Salafi "sanctioned" resources when researching, attend a Salafi masjid and most of my good Muslimah friends ascribe to being Salafi. With that being said, as long as a fellow Muslimah is along the same mindset, then I'm all about being her companion. I don't believe we should tell someone that they're "off the Deen" simply because they don't claim to be Salafi but do everything accordingly nor should we assume someone is good or accept everything they say simply because they claim to be Salafi.
May Allah keep us all on the straight path.
What are your thoughts on this subject? I'm very curious :D
Asalaam Alaikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu
I'm having one of those nights where I can't sleep. The zawj is fast asleep and normally on nights like this I either call up a friend who's sure to be up, get some work done, read an article or read Qur'an. Tonight though, I decided to write.
I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Most who know me know that I'm not one to believe that having friends is "necessary". I enjoy meeting people and socializing at times, but I've never been one to really depend on friends. I enjoy the company occasionally and I enjoy the dialogue but if a friendship fails or doesn't grow, then fine, I move on.
I listened to two Islamic lectures in the past week that touched upon friendship. One lecture discussed the 7 under the shade of Allah and the other discussed the importance of good companions. In both lectures, the key message was that loving someone wholly for the sake of Allah and having good companions is extremely important.
Although I am fine with having friends from various backgrounds, I throughly enjoy my Muslimah friends that are on the Straight Path. Having friends who you can discuss aspects of the deen and everyday life with is so amazing. Being able to share our experience and get each other's advice on things that only a fellow Muslimah who understand allows us to share a special bond. This bond, when based off of a strong foundation in the deen, should be unbreakable.
For me, having righteous companions is something that I value. I appreciate having friends who I know will advice and steer me in the right way. I enjoy having friends that I can exchange knowledge with. Friends that will cheer me on when I'm going through something difficult but beneficial. Friends who want nothing but the best for me. Friends who, when I have kids, I'll look forward to mine playing with theirs as I know they will also be raised righteously. Friends that are kind-hearted, open-minded and are thoughtful. Friends that are always reminding you to engage in acts of Ibadah. These are the types of friends I want to surround myself with. These are the types of friends that all Muslims should strive to be and aim to have.
May we all be blessed with righteous companions.
About "Life Gems"
Welcome to another addition to "Lady_Meansie's Corner". This portion of my corner is essentially my blog. The posts will be short but packed with important reminders for fellow Muslimahs. Remember to leave your thoughts in the comments. I love engaging in dialogue with my fellow Muslimahs.