Dear Friend

It is reported  that Prophet Muhammad(SAW) said

It is not permissible for a man to forsake his Muslim brother for more than three days, each of them turning away from the other when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5727; Muslim, 2560)

For a while, I’ve been questioning how to balance wanting/needing to cut someone off with the directive in this hadith. I think I’ve finally come to my conclusion and decided to write this letter to a former friend.

Asalaam Alaikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatu,

How are you? In sha Allah, all is going well with you and your life. This is probably where I should mention that I miss you but based on your actions over the last year, months and weeks, you probably don’t care. If you did care, we’d probably still be friends and this letter would not need to be written. Ideally though, it would be nice to know that you still think of me occasionally and miss me as well.

It’s been a couple of months since we’ve spoken and although this isn’t the first time that that’s happened, something tells me, this time is different. This time, it’s definite. The last time we stopped talking, or more accurately- you stopped talking to me, I probably shouldn’t have responded when you finally decided to reach out but nevertheless, I decided to anyway, and now, we’re here again. Who would’ve thought that a day would come where our phones weren’t going off with notifications from WhatsApp messages, Instagram tags and mutual Facebook comments? A day where I’d be laughing on the phone and my husband wouldn’t ask “Are you talking to              again?”.

I remember when I first met you, I didn’t think we’d be friends and actually avoided you for some time. We didn’t become close friends until about two years after we initially met and I remember thinking “I should’ve hung out with her sooner”. Never did I think we’d get to this place.

You were one of the few people that I thought I could sincerely count on. We’d joke about taking vacations together once we were both married. We joked about being ‘aunties’ to each other’s children. You were someone that I thought I could tell almost anything to. Now, I’d second guess even telling you the most superficial of details about my life. I thought you’d always be be a phone call or text message away. Then you stopped answering. You were supposed to be one of few people that I could trust. Then I learned about the judgements and things said about me to others. I thought our friendship was based on mutual respect, admiration and love for the deen. Instead, it seems as if I was only there to fill a certain temporary role. I thought we’d be friends in this life and the next. Instead, we’ve grown apart.

I guess that’s just life.

We don’t talk anymore. I don’t know how your life is going or what you’ve been going through. I have my suspicions based on the past, but that’s not the same as knowing. Are you happy? Are you where you want to be in life? How are your siblings and parents doing? How are your studies going?

Even though we’re no longer friends(I think it’s safe to conclude that we’re no longer friends but you’re welcome to correct me), I want you know that I don’t dislike you and that I do still care about your well-being. You were what I’d consider a best friend and despite how things ended, I will always love you for the sake of Allah.

I still randomly come across things that remind me of you and thanks to Facebook’s “On This Day” feature, I still see some of our old interactions. There are times when I’ll read an article and think about how in the past, I would send it to you and then we’d delve into a long discussion on our thoughts. Now that I’m expecting, there are instances where I’ll remember something that we previously discussed about having kids and I’ll laugh and think to tell you about it. Fortunately, these moments  are happening less and less and eventually you’ll just become a distant memory.

We all choose our own paths in life and it seems we’ve come to the point where ours no longer intertwine. I hope you’re happy. I hope you’ve found someone else to engage in long discussions with. Someone else to banter about proper etiquette guidelines with. Someone else to vent to and to celebrate your accomplishments with. Someone else to share new insights or knowledge about the deen with.

Knowing you the way that I do, you’re probably going to disregard this letter. I’d actually be surprised if you read it till the end.

I’ll end by saying: I do cherish the memories we made and hope that your life is filled with success, prosperity and happiness. As always, you are still in duas.

Sincerely,

Your former ‘friend’.

To seal a friendship for Allah’s sake indicates the obligation of establishing relationships of love and trust for His sake; this is a friendship for the sake of Allah. It also indicates that simple affection is not enough here; indeed what is meant is a love based upon alliance. This entails assistance, honor, and respect. It means being with those whom you love both in word and deed.”