Whirlwind

The last two months has been a whirlwind of intensity of me religious-wise. Alhamdulilah, things have been going great as far as my personal practice of Islam but I have come in contact with a lot various things that have made me question and reanalyze how I process and engage in things when it comes to Islam.

Four months ago, I started wearing niqab and Alhamdulilah, no surprises, I loved it. I felt so much more modest that when I was wearing just a khimar and jilbab and the level of taqwa that I felt was immense. I have since taken it off for a couple of reasons. Looking back, the entire whirlwind started with niqab. Once I made the decision to start wearing it, I spoke with #themister about it and started wearing it, I decided to start reading more and more about it. One of the first things I read is the Four Essays of Veiling. It’s a great book and many sisters tend to recommend it to each other. After reading that book, I began listening to some lectures on niqab which then led me to listening to lectures on other things.

I don’t want to get too lengthy so I’ll try to be as succinct as possible :) As I was listening to these lectures, I started to take in a lot of what was being said and wanted to implement the teachings in my life, especially in regards to aspects that were  specific for women. As I listened to more lectures, I started noticing things that didn’t sit right me, as well as things that were contrary to what I was taught from the Qur’an and the various Ahadith that I have read. I continued to reflect on these lectures as well as various books(including the Four Essays book mentioned above). I started noticing that in a lot of these lectures and the like, very little Qur’an and Ahadith are mentioned. Yes, an ayah or hadith was mentioned here and there but for the most part, I found that the ayah or hadith used, loosely applied to the topic at hand.

Eventually, I started to feel as if I was being ‘pressured’ to practice Islam a certain way that didn’t necessarily mesh with the Islam I learned from the Qur’an and something was off. At first, I started to rationalize it with myself and say “maybe I’ve been missing something” or “maybe I’m just being difficult and just don’t want to change myself for the better”. As I listened to more lectures, I began picking up on things  being shared that definitely contradicted the essence of Islam. I discussed my thoughts with a friend and started researching the speakers behind these lectures more and their institution. To my dismay, there were many people who felt how I felt and many ‘reputable’ warnings to stay away from them.

After this experience, I became extremely wary of lectures and speakers. There’s just so much fitnah with all the information that is passed around that I’ve decided to just stay away from most lectures and books. I just really want my life and experience with Islam to be as unadulterated as possible. I want to keep things simple and practice Islam to the best of my ability. So far, I’ve been feeling much better Alhamdulilah and in sha Allah, I  hope this continues. I’ll be sure to keep you posted :)


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